Potty Training – The Malay Way

As I mentioned in my last blog, you will find me from time to time, like just about every day, at a mall running errands, eating lunch or enjoying a Saturday afternoon with my family.  It is the inevitable that at some point you will find yourself in need of a bathroom for either personal use or perhaps to even change a diaper or two.

Fortunately at Suria KLCC there are a lot of bathroom options.  So many options, so many lessons learned.

Lesson One

So the time had come that Ari was in dire need of a diaper change, like this girl needs to be changed sooner, rather than later or right now versus it can wait a few minutes.  Are we all on the same page here? So were on Level G.  Level G is the floor with all of the designer brands like Enzo Angiolini, Chanel, MaxMara, Bvlgari, Carolina Herrera and Kate Spade.  I saw the sign for the bathroom that also had a nice little symbol for ‘changing table’.  I know there are other moms out there that feel my pain when you come across a bathroom with NO changing table.  It literally drives me nuts!  The places I have had to change my daughter and the quite ‘inventive’ ways I have changed my daughter when there is no changing table available is quite ridiculous.  So needless to say I was extremely pleased to see that changing table symbol.

I make a left to turn down the hall where the above hanging bathroom sign instructed me to go and just then, I walk right into an additional sign that read,

Premier Paid Toilet (please provide exact change)

RM 2.00 per entry

Non-Paying toilets are available on all other levels

The Actual Sign

Pic 3

The Actual Receipt (possible tax deduction?)

Pic 4

So the currency here is the Malaysian Ringgit. 1 Malaysian Ringgit equals $.25 US Dollars. So RM 2.00 would be $.50 or fifty cents.

I know that fifty cents is not a lot of money, but seriously I am just trying to change my daughter and even if I had to use the bathroom at this point I don’t even know what sort of royal treatment I am in for at this Premier Paid Toilet!

The other issue is that although I did have cash on me, I did not have ‘exact change’. I figured I would give it a shot, perhaps they would have change or just let me sneak in because all I need to do is change a diaper.  Um no such luck.   This lady took her job seriously!  As I was fiddling around in my purse trying to find loose change to equal 2 Ringgits, which I knew I didn’t have by the way, she was sitting there expressionless, no empathy for the mom with the adorable daughter who was might I add a bit stinky at this point, I was not getting past this lady without handing over 2 Ringgits in exact change.  I am convinced that if my daughter would have pooped up her back, this chick would still have been looking at me like, ‘2 Ringgits or no bathroom for you’.

Thankfully we live in a world where sometimes you still have the good Samaritan who is willing to simply help out someone else who is in need.  A kind gentleman approached the bathroom ‘bouncer’ with his 2 Ringgits, she smiled, graciously took his money and motioned him to the men’s bathroom.  He however, noticed me frantically searching for change that I didn’t have and kindly offered me 2 Ringgits.  Some good ‘ol Southern hospitality smack dab in the middle of Asia!  I graciously accepted his charitable contribution and was finally on my way to what I assumed would the most palacial bathroom that I have ever seen.  Not so much.  It did have a very nice changing area, not luxurious by any means, but it also wasn’t just a pull down changing table.  Other than that, I couldn’t quite gather what I would gain personally from paying 2 Ringgits to use the bathrooms on the ‘Fashion’ level of the mall.  I think I would have expectations like some sort of plush toilet seat or someone handing me a warm towel to clean my hands or a mint perhaps.

Anyways, Ari and I fled the ‘Premier Paid Toilets’ and have yet to return.  We found a much better place on the 4th Level within a store there called iSetan that seriously has a mother/baby lounge that is quite magnificent and is free.

Lesson Two

Where do I even begin?  So now it is my turn.  I thought Ari’s changing table situation was challenging.  It is now time for me to use the bathroom.  I waltz right in and notice the first 3 doors are occupied, but the last 2 doors are vacant and waiting for me.  Pretty normal, right?  I was just pleased that there wasn’t a line. I stroll right on in and out of habit immediately reach to lock the door, turn to take a seat and it was then that I literally froze in my tracks. I had so many things running through my head. Where am I?  This is new to me. Did I go into the men’s bathroom? Is this a urinal? What the hell am I supposed to do here?  Are these the toilets that are in all public bathrooms here? I panic, I open the door, peak in the last available stall and am hit with the same situation.  A cleaning lady appears, notices how confused I am and motions me to one of the first stalls that is now available.  I hesitantly walk towards it and am immediately relieved to find a toilet, a toilet that I am accustomed to and know what to do with.  The cleaning lady probably rolled her eyes after I went in and thought ‘stupid Westerner’.  So what was behind door #4 and door #5?

Pic 1

Ladies & Gentlemen, if you haven’t yet been introduced, let me introduce you to a squatty potty.  These were foreign to me.  They are sometimes also referred to as a squat toilet,
pit toilet, shit pit (this is my favorite!), The Asian toilet, The Eastern toilet or the
poo hole.  Okay I am literally laughing out loud right now.

Just in case you missed the shit pit above

Pic 2

Back to business, I have since realized that they are all over the place here in Malaysia.  In fact, my husband had to go to the bathroom when we were recently shopping at Mid Valley Megamall and opted not to go due to his only choice being a squatty potty.  He said he will need to practice….ha ha!  What does that mean?  It is no joke, I came across another blog that literally is titled, ‘How To Use An Asian Toilet – The Art Of Squat, Go, Wipe, and Throw.

Using An Asian Toilet – The Art Of Squat, Go, Wipe, and Throw

This is a serious matter people.  It is time to get serious and start practicing.  I vow to use a squatty potty before leaving Malaysia.  Although the sheer sight terrifies me, there is a reason they exist.  I will spare you all graphic details and the benefits of utilizing a squatty potty, but let me direct your attention to this.  Anyone watch Shark Tank?

http://www.squattypotty.com/

I have no words.  Only hope that this information will help some of you with your ‘kinked’ colons.  Hope you know someone with a birthday coming up! On to Lesson 3.

Lesson 3

Butt sprayers are the norm.  Google ‘asian toilet sprayers’.  You will soon find out that some call them ‘bum guns’ or a ‘bidet spray’.  I had to stop looking at that point because I couldn’t stop laughing.  But seriously, my husband and I would both agree that they are strangely awesome.

Bum Gun #1

Pic 5

I say that because it is a hygiene thing.  Please do read at your own risk, but this just about sums it up!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bidet_shower

Some may think this is just gross and upon my initial introduction I absolutely refused to use.  However, we eventually got to know one another and for my 2 year duration here in Malaysia, I think we will remain close friends.  And if I know my husband as well as I think I do, we will be the butt spraying trend setters back in the states.

Bum Gun #2

Sprayer

If you are trying to conserve toilet paper, this is the apparatus for you!  They even sell them on Amazon.com.  Would make a great Christmas gift. Y’all can thank me later!

 

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Potty Training – The Malay Way

  1. OMG. I’m reading this at work and literally laughing out loud. You are hysterical!

    And by the way I can totally relate. Michael and I traveled to China about 10 years ago and came face-to-face with “The Squatty Potty” with no other options available. I will never forget the experience. Half way through our trip as we traveled through rural China on a bus we were the only westerners. There was a pit stop after a couple of hours, and I kid you not, a squatty potty would have been a luxury. Instead there was a trough that ran the length of the room with little tiny Asian-sized half walls to separate the stalls (I use the term loosely). Best of all, because I stood out like the giant westerner that I am, a little Asian girl that watched me use it! Good memories!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahha rereading these posts after we’ve been there is giving me all the feels. Still hysterical! Literally dying at work.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s